dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
