Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
