Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
