Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have post one night stand depression
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
