I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
