my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
