I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
