Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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