This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
