allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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