we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
