omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
