who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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