she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
