I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
