I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
