hotel room ftw
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
