I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
