paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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