Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
