i think my tv is drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
