Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
