there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
