Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
