Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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