your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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