If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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