Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
