I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
