if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
