We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
