the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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