At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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