I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
