1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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