what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
