EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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