We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
