things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
