who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
