im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
