sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
