I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
