Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
