Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
