moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
