oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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