Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
