just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
