Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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