She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
