Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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